On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
