Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize