Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
