My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
