remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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