are you so shy because you have an std?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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