Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Quick, to the slutcave!
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
