twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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