White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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