who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
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