the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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