She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
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