We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
