To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
