i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
