hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
