Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
