I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
