so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize