He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize