yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
