Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
