Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
