we have pet lesbian snakes
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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