kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
