Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize