I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
