I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
