I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
