So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
