Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
