apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
