I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
