nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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