he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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