I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
