New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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