i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
