Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
