Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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