I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
