I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
