I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
