let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
