Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
