Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
