Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
