I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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