areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize