Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I enjoy the company of your penis
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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