he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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