Michael Bay diarrhea
Everything about him screamed your future.
two words: eviction party
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
