Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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