i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
