I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
