a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think I am morally bankrupt
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
