hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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