so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
