I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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