I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
