I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize