she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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