then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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