called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
