I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
