Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
