I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
