Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
