Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
