yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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