at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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